Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Woman Fights Blender, Blender Wins

Oh, it was going to be grand! A healthful breakfast packed with antioxidants, protein, phytonutrients, and fiber, AND I knew the kids would like it because they had all given thumbs up prior to this morning. Y’all, I was ON it—I was already dressed, preened, made up, and had now set out to bless my family with a nutritionally high-powered breakfast so they could tackle their day of learning and working.

I loaded the blender with frozen berries, vanilla soy milk, a dash of vanilla, and just a little
bit of sugar. A little chop (for the ice), a little blend (to work it all together), a little liquefy (to thin it just a bit), and—BAM! A fruit smoothie that was even pretty in the dessert glass with a spoon and bendie straw.

Pouring out the kids’ portions had depleted the supply. So for Shane and me, I needed to whip up a new batch. Noooooo problem…

I had to open a new bag of berries and this particular batch was frozen together in big chunks. After adding the other ingredients, I hit chop, then blend, but the berries remained unified in their little ice berg. Equipped with too much confidence, I figured hey, I’ll push down with a spoon just long enough for the blades to grip the ice so it can start chopping, then pull it right out and put the lid back on.

The voice of wisdom faintly reminded me of why I’d had to get a new blender last year when I’d sent a spoon through the glass, ruining blender, spoon, and any hope of a frozen treat. But I disregarded the voice because, after all, I knew what I was doing this time.

Friends, did you know that when the blades start chopping at three billion miles an hour, you don’t have time to get the spoon out before stuff starts flying? About 1/100th of a second after I hit “chop”, my face, hair, ceiling, cabinets, and wall were splotched purple! Deep, dark, blueberry purple. Which stains. Bad.

So the first order of business was to get that stuff off the ceiling, walls, and cabinets. In their infancy, the stains washed off easily. This whole time, the kids were watching me wide-eyed and silent, scared to death to even move until they’d gauged my reaction. As I turned around and saw them in that state, I couldn’t help but start giggling, which opened the floodgates for a great family laugh. How nuts was this, after all?!

I was also pleasantly surprised that my clothes looked as if they’d escaped for the most part! Thank goodness for black, busy prints; if I’d had to decide what to wear all over again, I’d have been late for work, for sure. And there were other areas that needed attention…such as my eyes. Blueberry skins must be a little thicker than contact lenses because they were kind of rough on the ol’ eyelids. Thankfully I plucked them out pretty easily. They also must be kind of sticky because they didn’t want to detach from my hair quite so easily (did I mention staining? I think I’ve discovered an all-natural hair dye if you decide to go punk).

And the blender? Not a nick. It survived to face me another day, a day in which you can bet I’ll be a little more humble as I approach its turbo buttons and blades.

17 comments:

Gretchen said...

That is too funny. I am glad everyone survived. If it had been me I would have been so mad at myself and would have probably taken it out on the poor kiddos witnessing the whole thing. So glad you were able to laugh about it all. :)

Lauren at Faith Fuel! said...

I vow to approach my blender next time with great humility-lest I too fall (get splattered!)

Refresh My Soul Blog said...

That was too funny girl! So....no power packed drink for you or the hubbie,huh?

Good lesson learned!
Ang

Techie Topher said...

LOL!!!!!!!! You see this is why people eat pancakes you health nut ;)

Techie Topher said...

of course I'm going to have to try this just for my own satisfaction. Plastic spoon, then jab .... right?

Paula said...

The lady sitting next to me is wondering why I'm laughing so hard. This is precisely why, were it up to me, I'd have sugar-coated, chocolate flavored, flakes of something.. with a little milk and a few slices of banana - for good measure.
Yours Truly - The Junk Food Queen

M. Milbourn said...

Oh My. I'm like Gretchen, not sure I could have laughed about that. Glad you did. That will probably remain a great family memory!

Denny said...

It's DANGEROUS to try and eat healthy!!! I have blenderphobia. I can remember in high school when a girl got the tip of her finger cut off in a blender in a home economics class. Her scream could be heard throughout the school.
YIKES!!!

Techie Topher said...

Now how IN THE WORLD do you cut the tip of finger off with a blender???? I'm mean c'mon that takes some serious effort to pull off....

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Oh my, I've had a few blender mishaps myself. It's good you could laugh. What a great example to your kids :)

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

P.S. I love your description on the About Me part of your profile :) Very funny and creative :)

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Ah, I found you again. I did keep your blog address. Thanks for your note :)

Mary@notbefore7 said...

HA HA HA! That was so funny. Glad you held it together and got a good laugh in.

Stopped over from Susan's blog. Saw that you and I are reading through the bible and are in about the same book - I just finished Lamentations. Thought that was cool - loved your observations in the comment.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Hey I just tagged you with a meme. Come over and ck it out!

Also, did I tell you I loved your outline? If not I really did-send me more when you get a chance!

Much love,
Angela

Amy Jo said...

OK, so I click on your link from Lysa's blog and see that my battery on my laptop is almost dead, so I bend over to grab the cord and start reading half-way through your blog to your most hystical paragraph. Oh my goodness! I am cracking up. Awhile back I dropped a full bowl of applesause on the floor....it went everywhere. Months later, my husband pointed to the ceiling and said, "Um, what's that???" I never even imagined that it could have landed there too! But purple?!? Oh my. I'm imagining a scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...thanks for making me smile! Blessings, Amy in OR

Jami @ livelaughlove5 said...

Hi Kathy - I'm over from Lysa T's blog. That is a great story. This happened to my husband as well...spoons and blenders, they just don't mix! :)

Thanks for sharing!

Ann said...

Oh my! That's quite the mental image :) I have put a frozen peach through the wall of a blender, so I have symathy (note to self: must add liquid when making smoothies).

Thanks for your comment on my post!