Woman Fights Blender, Blender Wins

Oh, it was going to be grand! A healthful breakfast packed with antioxidants, protein, phytonutrients, and fiber, AND I knew the kids would like it because they had all given thumbs up prior to this morning. Y’all, I was ON it—I was already dressed, preened, made up, and had now set out to bless my family with a nutritionally high-powered breakfast so they could tackle their day of learning and working.

I loaded the blender with frozen berries, vanilla soy milk, a dash of vanilla, and just a little bit of sugar. A little chop (for the ice), a little blend (to work it all together), a little liquefy (to thin it just a bit), and—BAM! A fruit smoothie that was even pretty in the dessert glass with a spoon and bendie straw.

Pouring out the kids’ portions had depleted the supply. So for Shane and me, I needed to whip up a new batch. Noooooo problem…

I had to open a new bag of berries and this particular batch was frozen together in big chunks. After adding the other ingredients, I hit chop, then blend, but the berries remained unified in their little ice berg. Equipped with too much confidence, I figured hey, I’ll push down with a spoon just long enough for the blades to grip the ice so it can start chopping, then pull it right out and put the lid back on.

The voice of wisdom faintly reminded me of why I’d had to get a new blender last year when I’d sent a spoon through the glass, ruining blender, spoon, and any hope of a frozen treat. But I disregarded the voice because, after all, I knew what I was doing this time.

Friends, did you know that when the blades start chopping at three billion miles an hour, you don’t have time to get the spoon out before stuff starts flying? About 1/100th of a second after I hit “chop”, my face, hair, ceiling, cabinets, and wall were splotched purple! Deep, dark, blueberry purple. Which stains. Bad.

So the first order of business was to get that stuff off the ceiling, walls, and cabinets. In their infancy, the stains washed off easily. This whole time, the kids were watching me wide-eyed and silent, scared to death to even move until they’d gauged my reaction. As I turned around and saw them in that state, I couldn’t help but start giggling, which opened the floodgates for a great family laugh. How nuts was this, after all?!

I was also pleasantly surprised that my clothes looked as if they’d escaped for the most part! Thank goodness for black, busy prints; if I’d had to decide what to wear all over again, I’d have been late for work, for sure. And there were other areas that needed attention…such as my eyes. Blueberry skins must be a little thicker than contact lenses because they were kind of rough on the ol’ eyelids. Thankfully I plucked them out pretty easily. They also must be kind of sticky because they didn’t want to detach from my hair quite so easily (did I mention staining? I think I’ve discovered an all-natural hair dye if you decide to go punk).

And the blender? Not a nick. It survived to face me another day, a day in which you can bet I’ll be a little more humble as I approach its turbo buttons and blades.